Last spring we lost someone very special. When the questions from the loss left me stunned that day, I knew I needed to think, refocus, move, do something new- because for me that's often where the answers are found.
So, on that very sad but beautiful spring day I decided to clear my winter pool of leaves, and the new for me was to put on my birthday waders (long story) and get right in the dirty water. something I swear I've never done before. and something I never expected to find so enchanting.
It was a very strange but good move. My sad self felt absolutely at home hugged by dull green water and old floating leaves. But the unexpected was that some of these waterlogged leaves were totally transparent > light and fragile, like very fine lace - so beautiful yet if touched they would turn to water dust. Mesmerized, I just watched them slowly twirl in the reflection of the sky and eventually fall away into the foggy water, appearing to float up into the clouds. and as I watched the leaves of all different degrees of physical presence it all made total sense. the here. the gone. the fragility that makes it all so precious. and the lightness that makes it all so beautiful.
What I’m trying to say isn’t about the answer. I believe there are many true answers. but it’s about the fact that when I put my heartbroken questions out in this very unusual way, there was an answer for me, found in still water.