“sorry for the long delay...
got caught up watching a moth.”
- pandemic text from my friend Sara
Time moves on but is often mistaken for still. So much has changed and yet more sameness than ever. Light shifts this way or that. The wind picks up, dies down. The sunset slowly moves north, then south. Stars and planets slide on arcs overhead. Apparently my senses have now become my most constant companions.
Early this morning the smell of the season changing woke me up. I recently ate green beans that tasted so good gratitude rose like white branches. A smooth edged rock sits weighted in my hand hinting I am not the first to hold it in this way. The warmth from a bonfire reminds me of a history I vaguely remember. Sensing when one of my newly planted trees doesn’t make it my heart pings sad. This new level of sensitivity is intriguing, inspiring, assuring, sometimes exhausting. It feels a little like being crazy, but sometimes like grief. My eyes need time to adjust in the dark to detect the light that can't be seen in busier noisier days. quiet down. make complex simple. bring far near. be here now.
But like a long zoom in, my perception is keen but not always on target. Staying focused is a challenge. I have work in front of me but now familiar songs pop out of the endless bird chatter nearby; a very tiny hummingbird on the peak of a very tall tree catches my eye; the edge of brilliant green, now gold, against deep blue makes me pause. I’ve been told the world only seeks to be admired by us. Easy to do as flickers, ripples, breezes, songs and whispers; harder as fires, floods, hurricanes, roars and cries. At this point I have come to believe my distractions may be as valuable, if not more, than my true aim.
We are balancing on a cusp. Each day I try to find the strength to I do what I can - usually loudly, now quietly. I know the observed can be changed by the observer. a rock becomes a gem. stars become a map. a single wing becomes a wish. Today I see a world off its axis, one that could be so much better. So today like a moth to light I'm looking for hope for all of us.
I wish you all well today. Be safe. Be true. Be calm. We got this.